Brainlabs Football Kicks OffRory Jones
“It’s Anthony Collias….Oh my goodness, that must be a foul from Olivia Symington! That’s an utter disgrace! No – they play on! Collias won’t be walking again any time soon…It falls to Bernstein-Newman, he bulldozes past a hapless Barber who tumbles to the ground in tears, he slips it into Teeney who slide-tackles it over to Gyi, evading Akhurst’s shiny red shoes, it’s an open goal, surely he must score, mustn’t he? It’s Gyiiii..!
How has he missed that?!”
11 players. Two unbalanced teams. One keeper. There was always going to be drama.
A barnstormer of the new Brainlabs Wednesday fixtures, featuring goals, dodgy decisions, tricks, flicks, thrills, spills and elegant, acrobatic saves from Milner. Most of us spent far more time either flying through the air into a challenge or on the floor having just been smashed by Ant or Olivia than actually on our feet.
Highlights included Sophie kneeing Gyi in the crown jewels with more gusto than an Italian-English dictionary under the word ‘taste’, newly-named The Obliterator (formerly Twinkletoes O’Hoolahan) Olivia flattening anyone she came across, Laurence being audaciously nutmegged by a handsome rogue in a headband, a battered and bruised Millie playing through a niggling thigh injury, Barber bagging goals at both ends, Legends F.C. putting together some delicious moves and Losers Albion not being able to hit a barn door with a banjo.
With some fixtures coming up against other companies, we’re looking a very impressive outfit.
Most importantly, we managed to take a team photo.